Blessings through the corrections from God.

I have a disappointing story to share. Lately God has had to sit and watch as I regrettably denied hearing His still small voice to spend time with Him. He pulled on my heart strings many times and each time I was either too busy or quite honestly too lazy. It wasn’t always like that. However, it has been more recent. I used to be drenched in the amount of time I spent with Him, so what’s changed?

Well what's changed is life's distractions, two kids, housework, college, bills, catching up on emails, spending time with my husband, family, friends, etc. Let’s face it I was just too busy and the sad truth is that I just didn’t have time for my Lord. How sad is that???? Well He watched me play this out, ever so patiently on His thrown, tugging on my heart and soul to pay attention to Him when finally He decided to intervene. He wanted me back to where I belonged and so he had to teach me a lesson. And I am glad to say He did.

In an attempt to make a long story short I will cut out a lot of the rough drama that goes with this story. Here goes. Lately my dear sweet 5 year old Hannah has shifted her behavior from being sweet and lovable to having attitudes (yes, at age 5) and being very uncooperative with the family rules, but mainly with me. I knew the reason; I had already sensed it in my heart. Every since I returned to college my time with my kids has decreased drastically and she was angry about it. Since I knew and understood her needs I decided to rearrange some things to make better time for her and I, especially alone time. One attempt after another failed as she expressed disinterest in anything I suggested. It was clear she was harboring anger and she manifested it in a variety of ways. I was very sad over her lack of interest in spending time with mommy and it stung my heart deep. After the third week of attempts and rejections from Hannah I broke.

I was driving the truck and sobbed out to the Lord. “God, why doesn’t Hannah want to spend any time with me? WHY? Why does she seem to hate me? She continuously rejects and refuses my efforts to do things together and it breaks my heart. God what have I done? How can I make it so her and I have a great relationship? ” As I continued my prayer in heavy tears the Lord spoke to me. ‘Sarah, the pain which you feel over Hannah’s disinterest in you is the pain I feel over your disinterest in Me.’ He told me ‘I have been seeking you out time and time again but you repeatedly discard my endeavors.’

I pulled the truck over to the side of the road and wept like a baby. And when I say wept I mean it was a deep, deep sorrow cry full of shame over how I shunned my Creator, the One who I should care about the most. I sat there for a long time repeatedly telling Him how sorry I am and asked for his forgiveness. I felt His presence flood the inside of the truck as He warmed my heart with unconditional love and I knew I was forgiven. Then as we (The Holy Spirit) and I talked in the truck for quite some time He began to remind me of some things that I knew but often forget. He said ‘Sarah I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God… (Duet 5:9). You shall not worship (or idolize) any other god but Me. (1st of the 10 Commandments) (This means that we are forbidden to put anything before God. Anything! God is demanding that we give Him prominence. ) Then towards the very end of our time together He reminded me very gently, ‘Sarah, I correct you because I love you.’ He said 'Remember cast all your cares on Me(Psalms 55:22), including those of Hannah because I love you. Seek Me and My kingdom first and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:3) But I must come first. Always.' ‘Those whom I love I also rebuke and discipline.’ Rev 3:19