Dear God,

Why do things seem to go such the wrong way sometimes? And why can't I be like one of those other strong enough wives, mother's, or friend's that appear to have it all together? And at least if they don't, it's not obvious like when I drove into our closed garage door for the whole neighborhood to hear?! It's the common 'Why me?' question that I've asked myself many times this week alone, yet each time I find myself feeling selfish in my questioning of this.

The last two weeks I have just wanted to give up; throw in the towel, buy some invisible spray paint, like on one of those Sponge Bob episodes, and disappear from it all. I don't know how many more things that can go wrong this month before I just lose it all!

For starters my husband and I can't seem to get along, even when we try our best. Our constant fighting is putting a strain on everything and I don't know how or why we got off track, my 5 yr. old is getting picked on at school and has decided she hates Kindergarten, which breaks my heart, and makes me want to punch the little kids who are teasing her right in the face (shame on me, I know), my 3 yr. old son has had a temp. of over 103 for 3 days now and, though he's been on two different antibiotics he still can't seem to shake his illness and by now knows how to administer his own breathing treatments. I'm sure I angered my daughters teacher because I promised to volunteer this week at the school, but had to cancel due to his illness which now has spread into my illness and I fear is making it's nasty way into my daughter's bedroom. To make matters worse we've received a third letter from our Home Owner's Association, that if we don't repaint our house, they will take legal action against us. This, by the way, has got to be a complete misunderstanding as we've only owned this house for 3 yrs. and it's always been this paint color....we are still trying to figure things out but the HOA hasn't returned our calls. And when they finally did, it was on my cell phone and I was pulling into the driveway of our home. Not fully paying attention, I tried to explain our side of things, and in doing so I accidentally drove right into the closed driveway of our garage. What kind of person does that??? And what kind of quick lie can I muster up to tell my husband about why our garage door is somehow inverted? All this and we are still fighting with the insurance company to get repairs done on our home and get our fence replaced from Hurricane Ike.....I don't know how much more I can take. I feel 'spent' as I hold my sick son now at 4AM. I dread what worries I will be slapped with tomorrow and how I can find the strength to conquer them.

I'm certain that if I were to meet your son Job, from the Bible, he would look me straight in the eye and say 'Sister, you have no idea what hardships really are do you?' Then I would have to straighten myself up, take a deep breath, and (as I've had to do time and time again) learn to cast all my worries upon You because I know You care for me. 1st Peter 5:7 Yet in my flesh all I want to do is run away from it all, sobbing the whole way, which I know wouldn't do me or anyone else any good.

God, I am weak. I sometimes can not handle the roles You have given me and I'm sorry that I often let You down. I don't know how to do it all and I'm asking that you please lift some of these burdens from me or at least make me a stronger woman so I can handle the strain in a better, well mannered way, (instead of yelling through the truck window like I did at the lady at Walgreen's who carelessly plunged her cart right into my side door.) I don't want to be a bad example of someone who serves You, yet often times I admit I lack self control and lose my cool. I am so, so sorry Jesus and I pray you forgive me. There are days I feel so unworthy and wish I could just climb up in your lap like a little girl longing for your big, strong arms to hold and console me while I sob my worries away. That is how I feel today; right now.

Christ please help me to remember what this time of year is about; Your birth and help me to behave better so that other's can witness the peace and contentment in me (no matter what the situation is) in order so that they may desire to know You.

I love you Lord!! Thank you in advance for the constant work you are doing in me, just an ordinary mom, living the ordinary life.

Your humbled daughter,

~ Sarah Cecilia