Marriage takes work. So what does God say? Do you put your spouse first or your children?

Before Christmas I wrote a 'Dear God' letter to Him about the burdens I've been carrying. In that post I mentioned that my husband and I were having some struggles but I didn't mention what they were, mainly out of privacy. However today I think it's okay to discuss just one of the issues; the balancing act of being a mom. Before my husband and I were married our time and attention with one another was not a problem. Even when we first were married, still no problems, that is until we had our first child, Hannah. Two years later arrived little Jesse. That's when we began to encounter our first 'real' issues. I understand that I don't really need any Scripture telling me that my husband comes first because I alread realize I made my life blood-covenant with my husband until death do we part. I know there is the important verse: "For what God has brought together let not man take apart, for they are no longer two, but one." Matthew 19:6 I also understand that our children are pieces of Jesse and myself, but as husband and wife there is a contract that we pledged before God, witnesses, and one another that we would love, honor, and obey. And the verse above stated that '...let no man take apart..' I agree that includes anything or anyone, yes, even our children. However, where I struggle as a mother of two young ones, a preschooler and kindergartner, is that they require 95% of my demands; the other 4% is divided among housework, being a 'room mom' in my daughter's classroom, making dinner, running whatever errands need to be ran, making important phone calls, and the list goes on.....so where is there time for my husband and I? Every since we've been blessed with kids; we can't seem to agree on even the simple things when it comes to them. For instance; our daughter had a bad, bad cold this last November and he felt we should let her body fight it on it's own and wait it out, yet I was in pain watching her feel miserable and wanted to give her some OTC meds. So we argued. Another time our son didn't get his way with something and came crying, tears down his red face, to me (mommy) wanting comfort. Now, I know I should not comfort him when daddy rebukes him and I didn't but I'll admit it wasn't easy. It broke my heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do. The problem lies in the fact that my husband didn't realize I had already told our son 'yes' to something he now told him 'no' to. But I couldn't tell my husband during that scene, however I did share the details about it with him later. Even still we argued. In a nutshell, my two kids see me 80% more of the time than they see daddy so they naturally come to me for everything; questions, answers, meals, comfort, bath time, permission for things, Hannah learning to read, etc. I love them, but get exhausted from their constant 'pulling' on me and I can feel the affects of it wearing on my marriage; which troubles me. They have all my focus while my husband is spared. How fair is that? But how do I handle it when my kids are this age? Hannah and little Jesse are so young though; so small. Isn't it normal that at age 3 and 5, they require so much and I shouldn't ignore that, right? So, even when my husband is home and the kids interrupt or start to fight over a toy or whatever, I always answer or go to their aid immediately, leaving my husband irritated and feeling abandoned. But shouldn't I, I mean someone needs to right?? I can't very well let them fight and ignore it while my husband continues to talk about his day? I feel the necessity to stop the fighting. I don't want my husband to feel neglected though; and I hate that he gets mad with me, but I just don't know how to handle this. We seem to argue about everything in regards to them; even their bed time hour and routine with what's best for them. I've prayed about this, but still am not able to get a hold of how to put my husband first and teach my children they come second. I just don't know the answer. How does one balance out their life; church, marriage, kids, responsibilities......????? God, once again, I need your guidance. My husband and I both do.