God teaches me beautifully, sometimes in the most simplistic ways.

Long post? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Allow me to back up a bit if I may…. At the end of this month it will be one full year that we first told my 5 year old (age 4 then) physician about Hannah having severe headaches accompanied with vomiting. When we brought it up last February Hannah was complaining often and it was random; sometimes she'd get intense headaches while in her car booster seat on a drive, walking around Target, in the middle of playing….it was all so hit and miss on when they'd occur and for how long. So during the past year the Dr. had prescribed various meds from allergy prescriptions to antibiotics; but her headaches still continued and sometimes were even worse than before. Her worse headache was fairly recent, during Christmas break when she had her first friend sleepover. Hannah started to get really sick with major headaches that she ran to the bathroom twice to vomit; only nothing produced. We heard the noise and she definitely felt sick, but she never actually vomited that time. However later that night she did have her first brief 'black out', stating that all she could see was darkness, though it was well lit in the bathroom. Again I took her back to the physician where it was decided to schedule an MRI of Hannah's brain.

Dr. Teir wouldn't have normally scheduled one but because of Hannah's severe premature birth she was becoming concerned that possibly things were now catching up with her and affecting her. (Hannah was born via C-section when I was in my 27^th week of pregnancy. She arrived weighing One Pound, Nine Oz. and 11" Long. She stayed in the NICU for 3 months. For some reason my uterus was rejecting her, and the amniotic fluid was decreasing around her so they had me on hospital bed rest from week 20 through week 27, when they finally said they couldn't wait any longer and had to get her out.) Forgive the first image. She was in NICU for 3 months and the guidelines asked that no camera 'flash' be used when taking photos. It was important that we not stimulate her with anything, not even touch. The second image is when her eye patches and 'plastic coating was removed' (that plastic was due to her skin being paper thin so they had to do what they could to keep moistue on her). We were allowed to use the flash on our camera during this time. The third image is the actual diaper Hannah wore at being 1 ½ pounds. We asked the nurse for a box of these for her 'Treasure Box' to remind us how much God answers prayers and performs miracles.

Before Hannah's MRI, Dr Tier suggested another routine eye exam done on her, which she passed & needs no corrective lenses at all. So that was crossed off our list. Then it was time for the MRI. The doctor ordered Hannah two Volume Sedatives to relax and calm her, as the MRI would take about 1 hour and she would have to stay completely still. So the MRI Tech allowed me to enter the room with Hannah and I must say Hannah did great by not displaying any fear and she cooperated very well with the ladies instructions. I was able to sit on the MRI table with her and hold her hand, but the sedative medication was not taking affect; she continuously moved and shifted causing a 1 hr. MRI to turn into a painful 3 hour time frame. I kept whispering for her to stay still, stop moving, close her eyes, relax, and try to fall asleep. But she fought it and I could tell her body was tense with resistance as she gripped my hand. I too was getting stiff and uncomfortable because I had to sit on the table just as still as she was, so I really wanting things to be over with. So during these quiet moments I had plenty of reflecting time with God. As I mentally spoke to Him in the MRI room he was telling me how my mothering Hannah to be still is in the same manner He often fathers me with: "Peace be still" and I too fight His command; I fidget, squirm about, try to get things done, stress, worry, become over sensitive, and the whole time God is calmly reminding me, yet I sense a commanding firmness of "PEACE, BE STILL!". Mark 4:38-10 "38 But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" 39 And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

Photo's in order: 1) Hannah getting nervous for MRI Preparation. 2) Hannah stayed 'strong' while 'fitted' to keep her head straight. You can see the head brace around her neck and head.3) The MRI tech gave her a break so she could show Hannah the blurry images and why it is so important to stay absolutely still. (This was before the 2^nd sedative was given.) 4) Second sedative knocks her out STRONG and nothing arouses her, even after the tech took all the equipment off of her. 5) Drive home; Hannah was in such a daze from the 'drugs' as you can see here.

So here I was feeling convicted and at the same time hypocritical that I wasn't doing as I preached to my daughter. The MRI Tech entered the room and asked if the Doctor had given me a second Volume sedative for Hannah, because she simply was not getting clear enough images due to her constant moving. I told her she only gave me two so I have just the one left. She suggested I give it to her though it was too early. I kind of agreed because of Hannah's 'fighting' to relax. S I did, and man, oh man, after the second pill, and 5 min. later she was OUT cold. I felt the Holy Spirit in me speak in confirmation through Hannah's final resting 'Peace! Be still.' It wasn't a firm tone but a soft, 'this is what I mean when I speak these words' tone, that I will take care of it all if you just obey me'.

I looked down at how Hannah was so still, motionless, so quiet, so relaxed and peaceful, nothing stirred her or awoke her as the MRI tech spoke to me through speakers from her windowed room and finalized the scan. From then on the technician was able to get very clear pictures of Hannah's brain, all because she finally stopped mentally fighting the sedative which was causing her tiredness. The first one SHOULD have worked; the MG was set for age and weight so was strong enough to have done the trick, but it was her brain that didn't allow her to yield to it; in the same way my brain often fights God when I clearly know He is directing my steps to 'Be Still and Know….' Sometimes our minds, just like Hannah's mind was fighting the medication, ours do the same thing with our Lord. In fact even the word states 'The battle is in the mind.' Whatever we allow our brains to do and who we listen to is subject to our act along with it. Sometimes we listen to our own self with our own design about how the days should go, sometimes we listen to the enemy; when we should always and only listen to God's, the One and Only, the Alpha and Omega, the One who will always know what's best.

When Hannah finally allowed her mind to submit to the sedative, she was so still and the work on her was able to be accomplished with amazing results all within 20 min. So think about that... if she (just as all of us) would have submitted earlier things would not have last almost 3 painful hours, however I'm glad they did. This allowed God to let me be a witness to the example of what wrestling with submission does. In the same way, we must all be trained this way; learn to submit and not fight when God directs our ways yet even if we do, He will be patiently watching and waiting as we do things OUR way, until finally we lift up our arms and say 'Okay, I give in…..' and humbly decide to submit to His ways. And it doesn't have to be big way; usually when I know God is calling me to do something it's fairly simple and painless; but still I am his daughter and I am REQUIRED to listen and obey, whether little orders or huge ones are given.

After this experience I knew what had to be done with various things in my personal life and I prayed on the drive home. I began by thanking God for His tolerance of me. Then I asked that He would forgive me for not obeying his orders of 'Be Still', when He instructs me to follow His will instead of my own. So now I turn the tables on you; can you examine in your own life what God has been asking you to submit to Him over, that He's still patiently waiting for you to do? And then ask yourself 'Why aren't I submitting to Him in this area?