Friday

Do you think that in a Christian marriage that divorce is acceptable, if ever?

I am a member of Christian Twitters and in one of their forum's this question was asked. So I wanted to ask you what you thought about this. I myself, have researched this years back when a family member of mine was contemplating divorce and I found a widget that discussed this very thing. Here is what they shared: If you are having a hard time reading this widget but wish to then simply click the link above thew widget in blue and it will take you to the site I took the widget from. It should be easier for you to view the widget there. What Does the Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage So my question to you is what do you think about this subject? Do you feel that divorce is ever acceptable in a Christian (or other) marriage between a man and a woman or do you think it's completely unacceptable and that any circumstances that may affect the marriage to lead towards divorce should be resolved in any manner (counseling, Pastor help, or other resources) so that it does not terminate the vows that were made before God? Sarah

20 Love Thoughts:

  1. Great question. I didn't read that widget so I'm probably missing at ton- but here's my thought.

    I don't think divorce is an option. I think stuff happens and you work it out. You have to be commited even on those days when you don't love your husband. I think counseling is a GREAT thing and should be used if needed/wanted. Marriage is not easy. You have to turn to God for your marriage to be successful.

    I'm 23. I married my husband at 20. Do you know how many people told us we were CRAZY? Oh.. i won't go on about this subject now.. :)

    I just had two people I know divorce in a matter of months. First we heard they were having problems, next month they were divorced. No big deal to them. Divorce happens (partly) because so many people expect marriage to be bunnies and roses all day, every day. They don't understand that it's OKAY to not get along some times, and it's OKAY to have tough times. THAT IS PART OF MARRIAGE. Through good times AND BAD.

    I guess if someone was physically (or emotionally) abusive then maybe divorce would be an option? You know, I don't really know. I'll go back and read that widget when I have more time.. this gives me something to think about, thanks!
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  2. I don't doubt that God grieves over every divorce. It's such a tough thing on everyone, and too often it's considered the easy way out. Counseling and Pastor help solves a lot of problems in marriage, but I can't deny that there are certain situations where divorce may not only be the right option, but the safe one. That's sad to say, but I've seen my share of battered women.
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  3. I really think divorce is a tough decision... and should not be taken lightly.

    Ever marriage is different... as people are different. If you are in an abusive marriage I really do not believe Christ would want someone he loves in that type of a situation.

    I am blessed to be married only once (so far... knock on wood) and for 27 years. The experience has not been 'easy-breezy' but I am glad that we have stuck it out. Sometimes I do feel that divorce is too easy to come by... and that children are used as pawns... I do NOT condone that type of behavior.

    ToOdLeS.
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  4. Well, I have also researched this,years back, and my conclusion was that divorce is only acceptable in cases of infedelity, and even there, I personally beleive it is best to try to work it out, so as not to break the vows. I believe if a spouse is unfaithful to you, and unwilling to stay with you, then divorce is the last resort, and is acceptable. However, my understanding of the scriptures is also that the divorcees should not remarry. In God's eyes, it is once married, always married, so to marry another is to commit adultery. That was my understanding of the scriptures when my husband and I researched this several years back when a friend of our left her abusive husband.. If you have any further input, I'd love to hear it, as I seem to have more and more old freinds and acquaintances looking to divorce these days!
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  5. P.S. My eyesight isn't the greatest, and I couldn't read the widget. I would like to read what it says though. Any chance you could email it to me in larger print? If not, that's ok.
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  6. I agree with your statement Billy. As I was also raised in a home full of abuse and filled with fear. My mother too was beaten and harmed for years, and I can't deny that I am grateful she got out of the marriage before something worse may have happened. It is sad, because I know in God's word it states he hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), however I also feel it is not God's desire for family members to be beat, bruised, or even suffer under emotional and mental agony that is irrevirsable to repair. I do feel that if any Christian marriage has ended in divorce that they should not feel any less loved by God for their decision because after all; we all know that what is meant for bad, God will turn around and use for good to serve His kindom.
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  7. I agree Elizabeth, that too many Christians seem to be looking for that way out of a rough marriage. Though I think there are several marriages that have genuine suffering and concerns, but there are also a lot that seem to take the easy way out by not putting in real efforts or true blame as to ways that could have worked on saving the marriage, but didn't. It's become quite a sad reality to learn of many Christian marriages resulting in divorce over many things that could have been healed and forgiven, if only they both would have set aside their pride and stubborness to find 'REAL' efforts to make things work instead of just calling it quits. I think that Christian marriages (and other marriages) that aren't in a dangerous relationship give up too easily, too quickly, and to selfishly these days more than ever. I don't have input to help with those who are looking for divorce except prayer and encouraging them to seek outside counseling and pastoral help to restore their areas of the marriage that have left them both feeling helpless about it. I think another key thing is that BOTH marriage partners have to want to save their marriage equally, not just one of them, because that usually does not help. Thanks for sharing your input Elizabeth!
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  8. Thanks Samatha. You have some very good points! People do sometimes view marriage through rose colored glasses, that everything will be just great all the time, which is quite impossibly really. We are all human and can't be perfect for one another 100% of the time. And you're right too; that a lot of people don't 'get' that it's completely normal and okay even to argue/fight/ and get angry with one another; this doesn't constitute as the person hating the other, just that fighting is part of practically every single relationship; marriages, friendships, within families. What are they going to do when their young teenagers begin the phase of arguing with the mom or dad all the time (which is typcial of teens as they are learning many things about themselves during this time)? Are the parents going to divorce their teenage kids too because they aren't getting along peachy? Of course they aren't. 99% of all parents try to reconcile any hardships that they've encountered with their children, yet it's so sad that they don't use this same outpouring of love and concern to repair their own marriages. Thanks for sharing Samantha. You gave some very good insight! :D
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  9. Divorce is a really sad & difficult thing. I've been through it. I also felt the weight of peoples' judgement at church. I felt like I was walking around with the Scarlet D on my forehead. I don't think that God condemns people who are divorced. I also don't think it's the unforgiveable sin. But I know that it grieves God's heart that people break their commitment to each other.

    I think divorce is acceptable if there is an abusive situation or if there is one partner who has had an adulterous affair and just refuses to stay committed to their marriage.

    As Christians, I think people can be very judgemental and look at divorced people as bad Christians. That just isn't true. We don't know the circumstances in the marriage. And even if someone does get a divorce for a reason that doesn't include adultery or abuse, it doesn't mean that person can't repent and be forgiven for making a wrong choice.

    Churches need to minister to divorced people, not look down at them or condemn them or try to place blame.
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  10. Thanks Shelly for sharing. I agree with you that divorce is a very sad and difficult journey to travel through. I believe it's very emotionally and mentally exhausting on so many different levels.

    I'm sorry to hear that you were faced with judgement and criticism from the church as you were dealing with this yourself. I'm sorry on behalf of other Christians making you feel badly about you and your circumstances. I for one try very hard not to place judgement or fault on people when going through divorces or many other stressful family affairs. I for sure agree with you that churches, pastors, ministers and other leaders of the church need to minister and show love and respect towards such circumstances and not look down on anyone, because we all know that even if a Christian hasn't gone through a divorce they still have had their own sins from their past, and therefore should not put others to feel shamed or condemned. God teaches in His word for us to love others and not to condemn them no matter what the reason. If we expect God to forgive us than we too need to be loving and forgiving of others. Again I am very sorry for the condemnation and guilt that was put on you from other, especially Godly men or women. I pray that you can forgive them of this and that it doesn't harden your heart towards God, the Christian church, and Christ, as their actions/behaviors don't represent the true kind of love that God desires all of us to show towards others. I'll be praying for you.

    In Him,
    Sarah
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  11. Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 seem to imply marital infidelity is the only Biblical reason for divorce. But I agree with Billy that I've seen my share of spousal abuse, and I'm not sure how God could require that person to stay in a relationship where her life (and her children's lives) is endangered every minute. I don't know the answer to that one.

    I do believe divorce makes God intensely sad. He created the first family, and all mankind has done since then is pervert the meaning of family and tear the family apart.

    Can you imagine a world where people realized that marriage is WORK? If people put as much effort into their marriages as they put into their paying jobs, it's no telling how fabulous family life could be.
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  12. Such a good question! I am not married so I obviously have not had the issues marriage brings up but I honestly feel divorce should not be an option unless in extreme instances such as abuse. I think so often people just take the easy way out and divorce quickly when they do not take the time to go to counseling or do anything to try to fix the marriage. I also think people should go to counseling before they get married as well. I just think people see it as a quick fix so often and don't really think about it and the vows they said when they got married.
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  13. I'll join in too. I have researched divorce, and I know what the bible says about it. I think that divorce should be the last resort, the last option, no matter what the situation is - even infidelity. When one gets married, divorce should not be a first option for problems and difficulties, like it seems to be today. Marriage is hard - two people joining together to become one? Wow! What a concept! Even people who have similar beliefs will not always agree on everything. Being united is difficult or can be. Marriage should be given a lot more consideration in the beginning, as opposed to the end.

    With that said, there are some gray areas, such as abuse. There is no biblical black and white on getting out of a marriage where abuse is involved, so I believe this is a situation where God's liberty can be applied. The bible says that if you are married to an unbeliever, and you have to eventually divorce him/her, do so, but do not remarry. Assuming that believers can also be abusive, one would hope that at least a believer would be willing to receive help, counseling, etc., but when all has been done, one still may have to leave the abuser to remain safe.

    The bible constitutes throwing members out of the church when they continue to sin after the church has attempted to bring about repentance several times in that person. Perhaps, a similar principle constitutes believers in an abusive relationship?

    But, if you are a believer who has divorced and remarried, or something that may be considered sinful, as Christians we should still show brotherly love to one another. Who on this earth has not sinned, be it divorce or otherwise? We should not be so quick to judge unless we are in the same shoes.
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  14. That is a very, very important suggestion Kristen. I agree with you whole heartedly; that when a couple is serious about one another and want to take their relationship to the highest level of marriage, than I think it would benefit both of them SO, SO much by them both partaking in pre-marital counseling. Preferrable Chritians counseling but if they don't get that at least some type of marriage counseling before they exchange their wedding vows. I think this would help them openly and honestly discuss areas of potentional 'baggage' that they have carried but can't seem to overcome. When types of 'baggage' or other forms of unhealthy or stubborn negative habits/behaviors are exposed it will help the couple really pray and seek the Lord on if they are ready and even willing to deal with and stick by their significant other through that 'baggage'. But at least if they both still decide to get married they'll enter it already aware and full knowing of these 'struggle' spots and hopefully will continue the counseling so that they can learn ways to address it if it begins to arise throughout their married life. That is such a very strong word you shared by mentioning this and I'm so glad you did Kristen. My husband and I actually saw a pastor too for some counseling before we wed and I had completely forgotten about it until I read your reply. The pastor was a very solid Christian, successful in his own marriage of many years, and talked and prayed with us for a long time about many different thing. I think we only saw him a few times, at the church and his house both, but just that short time frame offered us a lot of help and great suggestions in how to enter into our marriage being reminded that it's important we pray daily, not just individually but as a married couple before each day began so that we can enter each morning and day with the Lord together to fullfill His plans for our days and future together. Great word Kristen. Thanks so much sweet friend for bringing this incredible and valuable piece of information to the topic!
    ~Sarah
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  15. I too believe that is a great question because I'm living it right now. My husband has been having an (on again off again) adulterous affair for 2 1/2 years and the outcome is now a baby is due in a few months from the other woman. I've stuck by him from the beginning and forgave him even though my friends and family could not believe it. They all think I'm stupid. I must add that this affair has damaged our family and has been devasting for me however the main reason i'm still with him is because I love God and want to honour Him. My struggles will continue (some days are harder than most) but as long as I have the grace of God on my side I will get through this. While we did separate for a few months, I did contemplate getting divorced so I took my indecision to prayer I felt that God was telling me to save my family and keep us together. The more satan tried to destroy my family the harder I worked to saved them. Without the help of my Christian friends and church family I believe i would be divorced today. As I said, my struggles continues but I have faith and it will get me through this tough time in my life.
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  16. We don't get to choose our family (mom, dad, or siblings) God chooses them for us. The only choice we have is our spouse and yet we still aren't happy. I have had tough times in my marriage and thought divorce was the answer but God is the answer. People need to stop being selfish...that is exactly what divorce is selfishness. Not putting God first, not putting family first, not putting your spouse first, not putting your kids first, but instead putting self first.
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  17. As a preacher divorce is a hard issue. However my wife literally had left me with no other option.

    When we got married it was a very spiritual event. A covenant was made with God and agreed upon that it was to be an example to be preached and taught to others.

    Well it turned out to be an example alright. A bad example! So bad that it has gotten media attention up and down the east coast.

    Brent Duane Canipe-Curtis vs Crystal Rae Rebecca Curtis

    While I did everything in my power to be a good God fearing husband. Crystal did everything down to the very last detail to destroy it.

    Just when I thought she had done everything imaginable against a traditional Christian marriage. I get a phone call from a guy named Kurt that claimed he recently married married my wife also.

    My divorce isn't even done! If that wasn't shocking enough, The local register of deeds which was a former customer of my company wanted to know when Crystal and I divorced. When I answered that we had not yet divorced. The lady informed me that there was something I needed to see. She pulls out a record of a 3rd man that also recently married Crystal named Ashley Abee!

    I simply have no choice.
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  18. Man, oh man, Brent that is so sad and I am so sorry to learn about this misfortune. How horrible. I will defininely be praying for you. Also you can add your pray request at the top right side bar where I'll be praying daily for people. I just started this but rest assured my husband and I will be praying for sure. I am so, so sorry about what happened there.
    ~Sarah
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  19. Thank you so much Sarah.

    I really need lots and lots of prayer.

    I'm generally a strong person. Lord knows that no amount of prayer could save this marriage. A lot of people were praying very hard. Never in my life did I ever expect to go through such a horrible mind twisting event.

    I just pray now that I can somehow get over it all.
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  20. I'm pretty certain divorce is not an option but nowadays there are some things that are so unbelievable atrocious that you really won't be able to figure out what to do. I think this is where marriage workshops/marriage counseling and especially the church comes in. Solving the problem on one's own is definitely not the way to go.
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