Intervention

Tonight I stayed up later than the rest of my family because I was viewing the reality show 'Intervention'. In case you haven't heard of this show it is a show about real life stories of individuals facing unhealthy addictions or disorders of various kinds; drugs, eating disorders, diabetic rebellion, alcohol abuse or various other compulsive and negative habitual behaviors. The show purposely 'pretends' to be just interviewing the person with the problem by following their addictive patterns in real life form. What they don't know is that at the final interview with the addictive person, the show surprises that addict with their family, friends and a counselor who intervenes, offering a new life, new hope, and new future for that individual. The show brings the addict into the final interview room where they are met with their loved ones, an 'interventionist' (counselor and mediator) and with the opportunity to seek help for their struggles at a treatment center; usually staying there for 90 days. It's a hard reality show to watch at times, especially the family who is suffering over the one they love who is very much controlled by their addictions. After viewing this show I began thinking about Christ. How He was the Interventionist in my own world, inviting me to His treatment plan of forgiving others and moving on from my abusive past. At the times I didn't feel I needed anything but looking back I see how very wrong I was. Isn't this just like this show? It's like the person held into some type of bondage and can't see themselves from the outside. Yet the others who are sober, and the others who are clear headed can easily see their need for treatment. They see their loved one is too weak to do it alone; they need some help. In the same manner, there are so many souls out there that are lost; some of whom may not be addicted to any type of drug (some that are) or some who don't have any other unhealthy condition patterns. Yet they are still lost, fumbling around in their little world completely on their own, seeking something to fill whatever void is in them. They may not fully know what they are seeking, though many of us can see what they need; the unconditional love and acceptance of Jesus Christ, the King of Intervention. Will you be the 'intervention' of someone you know who needs to learn about Christ? Will you guide this person to the Master Interventionist who will give them the ultimate treatment of His unconditional love and acceptance, telling them that He will meet them right where they are at? What about if it's hard, akward, or uncomfortable? What if they become defensive? Will you then? Will you be bold enough to reach out and finally do what you have been called to do in talking with that person who Christ has placed on your heart? Will you? Will you introduce the Great Interventionist to someone today?

Nicknames

Just to let you know, I have decided to use nicknames for my children from now on. I don't know why I've never done this before and I pondered over if it was simply too late to do this now, but then I thought 'Just do it for their protection, just in case. What's the hurt in doing so anyway?' I've come across other blogs that nickname their children and I regret that I didn't do this myself prior to today. After all, my blog is open for anyone out there to read; public to all eyes, all time zones, as far as my neighbors live all the way to as far as the other side of the world. And when I looked up my neighborhood 'sex offenders', I was stunned to learn that there are at least 8 offenders that all live within a 2 mile radius of our home. This is what really triggered the nickname change....What if a person I don't know is reading my blog and is one of these offenders? They could very easily call my kids names out and even though I teach my kids about stranger safety; I still can not say for sure that they would not respond to their names being beckoned. Not saying they will be in danger and I'm not going to start acting in fear because 'God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind.' 2 Tim 1:7 However He still wants me to use wisdom in all things, which is what I am trying to do now. Better late, than not at all, 'eh? If you have been a regular reader or even just a semi-regular reader of mine you probably already know the names of my kids. But as I am getting more and more followers (hopefully some non-believers so they will be drawn by Him), I have decided to protect my children by giving them 'new names'. I asked God for their new blogger nicknames before choosing these: Our precious daughter will now be referred to as Jewel and our handsome 3 year old son will now be known as Mr. Happy or 'Happy'. I know; it's not as elegant as 'Jewel' but it still fits him just right; our son truly is a very happy boy. (My husband said that though our son really is a very happy little guy he thinks the nickname 'Happy' sounds like a dogs name and reminds him of 'Happy' (the dog) from '7th Heaven'.) Sure this may be true, but it still felt like the best fit when we were thinking of a name to describe the character that God placed in him. Same with our daughter....to us she really is a jewel, an image of a precious and beautiful stone constantly being adorned and decorated into a brilliant piece of fine jewelry that only our King could craft together; priceless and made in His image. I've gone back to some past posts to remove their real names and replace it with their new nicknames. However if you do notice that I may have missed a few spots here or there, please will you let me know, through the 'Contact Us' tab? I would really appreciate it!!! Thank you so much!

MS. JEWEL ASKED JESUS IN HER HEART!

CELEBRATE WITH ME!!!!

Early this morning (after driving "Mr. Happy" to Little Blessings Preschool) "Ms. Jewel" began her daily routine of reciting her morning Bible scriptures. Afterward we discussed the Lord and she began to ask me question upon question about Jesus; Where He is? Why we can't see Him? Why she can't talk to Him face to face? All typical questions of a 5 yr. old, or anyone else even older who has never known the relationship with Christ our Savior. After she asked many questions, I told her 'Sweetie, let's pray, so that mommy knows the correct way to answer everything for you to understand in your mind and heart about Jesus.' We prayed and then she said 'Am I going to heaven?' I talked with her about asking Jesus in your heart and admitting that we are all just sinners, saved by His grace, but that if we truly and sincerely ask Him and confess with our mouth that He is Lord and invite Him to live in our hearts and take control over our lives, that we will be saved (and go to heaven to be with Him when we die) and He will come into our hearts because we asked Him.' I read to her the scripture 'Jesus stands at the door and knocks and whoever hears My voice and answers, I will come in and and dine with Him, and he with Me.' Rev. 3:19-21 I also read her John 3:16 and a few other key verses. (Of course I broke some of it down for her 5 year old comprehension, but I didn't take anything away from the Word or water it down. I read it exact, but afterward explained it to her knowledge.) She started to worry and almost began to cry saying 'Momma, I want to go to heaven but what will happen with all my toys and dress up clothes? What will happen to our house? To our backyard climbers?' I smiled and semi-chuckled telling her 'Jewel, in heaven you will have so much more than these toys on earth, in your room, in our little house. Right now on earth we are like little birds in a birdcage; happy with the room we have; content most of the time. But when we enter heavens gates we will be like the bird that was released from that cage. The bird was mostly content in the cage until it was released from it's bars surrounding it. When the bird was let out and freed it was enamored by all the vast and enormous beauty that it never flew over before. The bird flew and flew and flew over timeless travel accounts as it saw everything and took in all the earths beauty; lushes grass, expanding land, open seas, the open sky; the bird felt liberated and experienced being outside the birdcage for the first time. Though it was content there, it never returned because it didn't want to; it was a glorious day for the bird to be freed from his cage; the only living space it ever knew. Now the bird wanted to fly forever and enjoy all the beauty and flying space around; it was such a gift for this bird. This is how heaven will feel; all we know right now is just this earth (like the bird only knew it's cage), but when we live in eternity with Jesus heaven will be wide open with beautiful things to see just like the bird was happy to experience and couldn't take it all in fast enough. And there will be nothing that feels more joyful than when we come face to face with Jesus who loves us more than anyone else, and He shows heaven to us and all it's beautiful treasures.' 'Treasures?' Ms. Jewel asked. 'Yes' I answered; 'But more than that we will see Jesus Christ and will be so filled with happiness; no more tears, no fighting will be in heaven like how you and your brother fight or how mommy and daddy disagree sometimes. We will be so happy loving Jesus and He will be so happy we are home with Him. He loves you so, so much Jewel because He created you before I even knew you, He already had you named.' It was about a 8-10 min. conversation and finally Jewel said 'I want to go to heaven too one day when I die and play with Jesus.' That's when I said 'Are you sure? Do you understand who Jesus is and why He died on the cross for you (everyone)?' (I was trying to make sure she really understood things, but even if she didn't fully, I still believe Jesus was so pleased with her today and rejoiced over her.) Ms. Jewel said 'Yes, mommy, I want to ask Jesus to live in me and be my best friend.' 'Okay then. But first let's pray and then you'll need to tell Jesus that you know you are a sinner (I actually told her 'make a lot of mistakes and disobey a lot'). Let's tell Jesus this together and I'll help you.' She interrupted 'Will He be mad at me for disobeying you and daddy?' (I was almost crying at that point.....) 'No sweetie, He already knows we are just people, that even mommy and daddy disobey and do wrong things....but it makes Him happy that we admit this to Him, just like it makes mommy and daddy happy and pleased when you admit to us that you wronged your brother. You are telling the truth and when you tell us the truth we can help fix it. The truth sets us free. That's what Jesus wants to do. When we tell Him we are sinners and do wrong things sometimes He is happy so that He can come in our hearts and help fix those areas of us that need help from Him. We can't do things by just ourselves all the time. We (even mommy and daddy) need Christ's help.' So then she said 'Does Jesus know that you yelled at daddy yesterday and you need His help with that?' I said 'Yes, Jesus knows that mommy and daddy both need His help with many things and that's why we asked Him to live in our hearts and stay there to guide us every day, so that we can be better people for Him.' Then we prayed a simple prayer and Jewel whispered it as she followed my lead. But she was very, very serious because she really wants to go to heaven and meet Jesus. I was peeking out of my eye a tad to make sure Ms. Jewel was genuinely repeating the words, since she was whispering so quietly and I was so pleased to see she truly was. She told Jesus she knows she is wrong a lot and sins, but she knows that He is the Lord of all lords and she wants Him to live in her heart today and forever so that He can guide her and help her with many things. Then she said 'Jesus, I want to see you one day too in heaven. Please take me with You.' Afterward I was tearful and hugged her saying 'Welcome to the Lord's family Jewel! Today is a special day, the most important day for you and I am so proud of you! Today is your second birthday, the day you were reborn by asking Jesus into your heart to live within you and guide you in all you do and say. Happy Birthday sweetie!' But Jewel wasn't finished; she had more on her mind, more questions to ask. 'Now will I see Jesus? Why didn't I see Jesus when I prayed just now? Why doesn't He ever come in my room?' I replied 'Sweetie He does. He is all around you. Sometimes we don't feel or see Jesus all the time, but He is still there. Let's go outside. Do you feel the wind blowing on you and blowing the leaves and tree branches?' 'Yes momma'. I continued 'Do you see the wind?' 'No.' 'That is how Jesus is like. He is like the wind that blows; we don't see the wind but we see what it moves, what it touches, and how we feel it on our face. Jesus is around you even if you don't always see him, just as you don't see the wind blowing the leaves over there, but you see the leaves are moving....' She then asked if Jesus will help her at night time not to be afraid. I said 'Let's pray again, asking that Jesus will give you great dreams for bedtime.' We prayed again and I reminded her that the moon is God's great big nightlight that He placed in the sky for little boys and girls so they aren't afraid. I told her tonight we'll go outdoors to see the great big 'nightlight' in the sky (I hope it's visible tonight...lol). I was so pleased, even if she doesn't comprehend it all, even if 'this' or 'that'....it was such a sweet blessing. And although Ms. Jewel has so much more to learn in the lifetime of hers, I truly believe she asked Christ into her heart and He was present with us all morning, even now I feel His presence as I type this. God and His Son are truly amazing and I am so blessed to have my daughter be so smart and wise in her age, by asking Christ to live inside her forever. Praise Jesus! There's is no other gift that would bless me more in all my life than to know that my two children are saved; that the Lord is living is their hearts and they are allowing Him to guide them through every age of their lives; childhood, teenagers, adulthood, parents (if this is God's will), and in their elderly ages. I am so blessed today! I feel like nothing can shake the foundation of my happiness!

"Thank you Christ for opening my daughters heart to allow you to reside there permanently. Thank you for the questions she asked from her heart and the sincerity in which she inquired about various things. Thank you for securing my daughters salvation to live with You in eternity. Please continue to show me as her mother and my husband (her father), how to be awesome examples by living according to your Word. Help us to guide and teach "Ms. Jewel" the righteous path to live. Thank you in advance for this; for all of this! We love You Lord and rejoice on this special day! Wel also pray for "Mr. Happy" that you will also guide us in the right ways so that he too one day will desire to invite you to live inside his heart in the same manner "Jewel" did today. To You we give all the glory! Amen."

Thank You Edie!

I just have to give a HUGE 'Shout Out' to Edie for creating my wonderful blog layout. This girl rocks! She was ever so patient with me and put together the image in my head that I desired into my customized blog. Thank you much Edie for your patience while working with me! You've been such a blessing! And just think; I accidentally stumbled across to you and I'm so glad I did. You can visit Edie's Christian Design site here: Rich Gifts, Graphics, & Blog Designs. Or click on her logo image at the bottom of my page, left side. There are two things I loved about Edie; 1) She is very much a follower of Jesus, unlike so many other designers out there. If I'm going to give my money to a designer why not have it be a Christ follower? 2) Another awesome thing about Edie is that she doesn't have a set price, she takes donations for the work she offers. How awesome is that??? I was getting tired of always switching out my blog for those 'freebie' blogs, which never fully 'settled' with me. Now, finally I have my own special look that suites me very well. I love what she has done!

Here's a special award from me to you Edie for making my design. I just love it! You did a lot of hard work on this and I so appreciate it! Thank You! Just copy/paste the award image into your blog design. You've been such a blessing!

Join a pretty awesome sounding New Christian Network

Meet Tony Kummer, founder of a 'My Christian Blogs'. It's a new network that is so new in fact it just started this month.

His purpose? To form a social network gathering of all Christian based blogs all in one place. But not just a male or female blogosphere location, but a network that hosts many different types of Christian blogs; college age, married couples, family, young, old, you get my drift. So why not check Tony out here and see what all the hype is all about. Visit Tony Kumer by clicking My Christian Blogs to join the friends, fun and Christ focused site.

Oops, sorry....

I neglected to praise the Good Lord above and let my awesome friends know that little Jesse is now better. Not 100%, but more like 98% there. The medication the doctor prescribed for his bacterial infection was really strong and 'yucky' as little Jess referred to it. It caused him to vomit three different times and also has a side affect of diarrhea, so it's coming out both ends....isn't that fun? He's still taking the med (it's for 10 days) but just after the first day of him taking it we saw a HUGE improvement with his illness and even his behavior. His ears don't have the gunk (boogers) in them any longer and he's not needing the breathing treatments at all. He missed all last week of preschool so he was a little shy about going back this morning, hiding behind my legs, playing the 'shy' boy, but eventually he settled into his classroom. His lead teacher wasn't there, as she is sick herself, so now we are praying she gets better soon. I just hope that things don't circulate within the classroom and little Jesse to come down with something else in the near future. Praise God that he is healthy and is doing well now. He watched me mow the grass (after all that flooding rain we had, our yard had a healthy growth sprout!) and edge the front and back yard and then blow it all with the 'blower' today, which I love doing. I know kinda weird for a girl, but for me I love to view it as good exercise and plus it takes a big burden off of my husbands shoulders. After I finished that little Jesse and Hannah were playing around in the 'freshly mowed grass' on their playground equipment that we have in the backyard. It was a nice sunny day today so it all worked out well for them. Thank you all for your prayers over little Jesse. I was very worried for a bit because he usually does not seem to get sick, and if he does it is usually handled with just the basic home children's medications like Children's Tylenol or a warm bath; something minimal. But this illness hit him really hard so we were all a little 'taken aback'. So again, thanks for all your prayers and concerns. You are all very sweet and very thoughtful.

What do you look for in a Church and what is it that turns you on or off?

Recently a friend of mine went to a Bible study from a church she was frequenting. Some key personnel visited the study to ask the members asking how likely they would invite another person to their church. They were doing the study because they had noticed a decline in the number of attenders that were coming to the services; some would stay long term (though very few and later would leave) while others visited a few times and never returned. I wanted input of why you do or do not attend church and what you look for or what you found at your church that drew you and kept you there. My friend, being a strong follower of Christ, but honest person as well, answered as she sincerely felt. 1) She shared that 'some' (not all) churches seem to be about their identity and clicks. That some hurting people enter the church doors and often get alienated and overlooked, yet the church asks for money for a new building. 2) One of her kids is having serious concerns and when she asks the church for help she can never seem to get any, there is a cost and she is often never given an answer for hope, although she waits for awhile to give them some answers. 3) People attend church functions but don't seem to have time for their children. 4) Some churches seem to boast about their ministry as if it's a competition not about sharing the love of Christ to others. 5) She says she feels guilty about not going to church lately, which she has done all her life, because she feels God does not care (but she says this is not true) but that this steals her hope. All of this makes her feel guilty for not going to church because Christ died for the church.... However she says there are things she loves as well. When she emailed me this question I was very curious about your response as well. What holds you to your church if you attend one. If you aren't attending a church, but are looking, what turns you off or turns you on when searching? Honest answers are appreciated but you don't need to share if you don't feel inclined too. You can just read along; but please no judgement on anothers feelings. I'll share my honesty as well, but will wait a bit to read some of yours.

Wow! This time of year?

April showers, in this case heavy thunderstorms, bring May flowers!

But we never expected THIS! There better be some pretty flowers comming!

We all got pretty nervous when the rainpour wouldn't let up and started to enter the garage and cover our front patio. Usually this happens (this bad) around Hurricane Season like when my SUV started to float with Tropical Depression Erin in August of 2007. We've never had it this soon like this before!

When oh when, will this all end????

Just when little Jesse's fever started to break and I was beginning to think he was on the road to recovery he began coughing in the middle of the night with that croup type barking cough and labored breathing. We've been down this road before so I knew the signs already; it's just been awhile and I didn't expect this.

Being a mother my ears are always open to my kids behaviors, even if I'm dead asleep to the world and a parade was walking through my living room; I'd still hear my kids above everything else.

Halfway sleepwalking I stumbled to the hall closet to get the nebulizer machine out, washed it all down (mask parts) then got the Albuterol. I set it all up before stumbling back to Jesse's bedroom to pick him up from his bed, sit him upright in the living room and giving him his much needed breathing treatment.

Then for the third time in just 5 days I removed his bedding and washed it all again. Thankfully little Jesse is old enough now to hold his own breathing mask up to his face while I worked on this but he was so tired himself that he often fell asleep while holding his mask. My heart went out to him.

Have you seen that commercial where the mother has her baby in the clear-see through bubble on the playground so he won't get messy? Well, this is how I feel just so little Jesse won't continue his sickness.

We went back to bed around 4 AM and are just waking back up today almost at noon....can you believe that? UGH! Will someone please tell me when this will ever end???

Easter is NOT about the easter egg hunt and pretty clothes!

Yesterday both my kids were sick with whatever kind of 'bug' they had. We stayed home 99% of the day with the exception of dropping some previously made dish my husband had made to take to our family's gathering (just in case the kids happened to recover so quick), and then to make a quick run back to Walgreen's to get some more Children's Tylenol, Motrin, and Powerade for fluids. (Though we have a stash of Capri Suns for their school lunches, I didn't want to fill them up with all the sugar packed in those, and naturally they didn't want to drink water, so we settled for the next best thing, Powerade, which was good enough). I cuddled with them both on the couch as we watch some Biblical DVD cartoons on the resurrection of Christ and then played two kid board games 'Don't Wake Daddy' and 'Don't Spill the Beans'. It was all very low key and well spent day. Hannah continuously wanted to repeat the DVD song 'Do Lord, Oh Do Lord, Oh Do Lord Remember Me....' over and over and over and over again, but this was a joy for me that she longed to make this request. Though little brother being the sickest got tired of all the repeats he quickly settled down for a long winters nap....just kidding....he quickly settled down for a nap in my arms and together Hannah and I sang this song repeatedly as I watched her prance around the living room. We discussed Easter and the meaning behind it and I was very pleased at her intent to hear me repeat the resurrection of Christ (even though she's heard it before) over and over again. Then we watched the cartoon called 'Bible Man', which comes on TV (You may have heard of it) and before long we were all asleep. Later we prayed and surprisingly I was amazed that neither of my kids were upset about not going Easter egg hunting with their multitude of cousins, gramps and grams, aunts, and uncles. I truly believe we celebrated Easter in the best way; learning about Christ being risen while just enjoying the company of one another in the presence of our home. Even being sick this did not stop us from celebrating Christ's resurrection and the new hope He gave us all. I am almost inclined to say this Easter was one of the better ones we shared; no BBQ in the backyard, no egg hunting, no mounds of candy, but just the three of us (daddy had to work) recovering from sickness, and being quiet and alone together. There was just something about it that made it extra special.

Jesse's 'boogars' in his ears. And now Hannah is having fever.

Little Jesse (right before Easter, go figure) hasn't been sick in a long time, but just this week he showed signs of illness. He has a fever of 102, which goes up and down between Tylenol and Motrin. Sometimes he's at 100, other times at 102.4 - 103. He is conjested and has 'gunk' or boogars coming out of his ears. And yes, they are boogar drainage, not some foreign object. When we gently tried to take a Q-tip to his ears it even came out as such, all stretchy and green.

It started out like this in his ears.....ewwww.

Then it turned into this.

It's really freaking me out but the doctor said this is how the ears are supposed to drain. It's doing it's job instead of needing ear tubes to drain the illness from him. Regardless, it still grosses me out. On that note, I'm not sure we'll have much of an Easter celebration tomorrow by taking him out of the house, however we can have an Easter celebration right here at home while I comfort him. But what can I say, he's a trooper! He does very little complaining, except sometimes, and only when he feels REALLY bad.

Sometimes the best photo's are just quick & random.

We haven't bought my new camera yet, but I can't wait. I should have my new DSLR Nikon D90 next week. Woo Hoo!!! I'm so excited! It erks me when I miss a natural pose of my kids due to my other camera's 'lag time' and 'do overs'. With the Nikon we are getting all you have to do is hold the shutter button to take the images and it clicks non-stop (until you lift your finger off the trigger), capturing every frame so you won't miss any great shots. All you hear is just click, click, click, click, click, click, super fast....you get the idea. It was my husbands idea. He's so good to me. He made the terrible mistake of taking me to Wolf Camera and the worker there allowed me to try out the camera....I fell in love instantly. Not with the worker, but the camera.

The two photo's shown here are when I took Hannah Banana with me to the mall to get my wedding ring cleaned (I have to take it every 6 mo. for life or the warranty is void). I took the pics with my blackberry cell phone. Pretty good for a cell phone I thought....so can you imagine how much brighter, bolder, and more crisp of an image I would get with a new Nikon? Good bye Sears, Studio One-to-One, and Picture People. Here's Hannah at the mall with my cell:

Hannah's sometimes shy; other times not so shy.

After the photo below we got ran off by a standing rabbit!

Apparently they've had issues of others using their props to take personal photos. The standing 'rabbit' told us we would have to pay to use their decorative 'photo' get-up. Either that or pay to get a photo with the man in the rabbit costume. Uh, after being confronted by this 'rabbit', as if we were stealing his carrots, I prefer these images so much better.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! HAVE FUN, LET YOUR KIDS GO CRAZY HAPPY ON YOU, AND REJOICE IN PRAISE & WORSHIP OVER THE GOOD LORD ABOVE!

Could you be this strong?

The Father's Decision (A True Story) One church service a man was asked to share his story of how he became to know the Lord. The Pastor gave an introduction about the man who was going to share his story. With that, an elderly man stepped up to the pulpit to speak, "A father, his son, and a friend of his son were sailing off the Pacific Coast," he began, "when a fast-approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to shore. The waves were so high, that even though the father was an experienced sailor, he could not keep the boat upright, and the three were swept into the ocean." The old man hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with two teenagers who were, for the first time since the service began, looking somewhat interested in his story. He continued, "Grabbing a rescue line, the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life.... to which boy he would throw the other end of the line? He only had seconds to make the decision. The father knew that his own son was a Christian, but he also knew that his son's friend was not. The agony of his decision could not be matched by the torrent of waves. He had only seconds to make his decision as each boy called out to him for help. As the father yelled out in tears, 'I love you, son!' he threw the line to his son's friend. By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat, his own son had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night. His body was never recovered." By this time, the two teenagers were sitting straighter in the pew, waiting for the next words to come out of the old man's mouth. "The father," he continued, "grieved deeply for his boy who lost at sea that day. He recalled hearing his own son and his son’s friend both begging in screams for his help. However he could not saved both of them and he knew this. He knew his own son was saved; that he would step into eternity with Jesus, but that his son’s friend was not. He could not bear the thought of his unsaved son's friend stepping into an eternity without Jesus. Therefore, he sacrificed his son. How great is the love of God that He should do the same for us." With that, the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled the room. Within minutes after the service ended, the two teenagers were at the old man's side. "That was a nice story," politely started one of the boys, "but I don't think it was very realistic for a father to give up his son's life in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian." "Well, you've got a point there," the old man replied, glancing down at his worn Bible. A big smile broadened his narrow face, and he once again looked up at the boys and said, "It sure isn't very realistic, is it? But I'm standing here today to tell you that THAT story gives me a glimpse of what it must have been like for God to give up His Son for me. You see ... I was the son's friend." (Do you think if you were in this mans same shoes that you could do the same? Or would it be to difficult, too heart breaking for you to hear you own child call out to you and not chose to save him/her?)

My father and I.

God heals the broken hearted. Psalm 147:3

Several of you have asked so I decided to give an update on my visit with my father. As many of you know, I had typed up my testimony and then had to retract it a week later because I felt the Lord impression on my heart to seek my earthly fathers permission before posting it publicly, which is what I did. I obeyed the Lord and full of anxiety and heaviness building in my heart, my husband and I drove the 5 hours to Dallas to seek his permission in sharing the truth about my upraising. It would be the first time I had ever confronted him; ever, over the sad and horrific alcoholic memories of beatings I had as a child, which were caused by him. Upon arrival my father and I were quick to get this very over-due discussion out on the table and laid to rest. The conversation we shared lasted about 3-4 hours. He asked where I would like to go to talk; was I hungry and wanting to sit at a table somewhere? I told him I wasn't and he admitted he wasn't either. The next suggestion out of his mouth was 'Why don't we go to my church?' Aw, this was the perfect place I thought. How much more perfect could it be to sit in St. Michael's Catholic Church inside the Chapel Room and have my father, myself, and Christ be united in this much needed conversation? My father prayed his typical 'Our Father' prayer, which I joined him in, and then he added his own words towards the end asking God to guide us through our talk. I believe God did.

Fast forward.... I cried as I poured my heart out to my father and the burdens I've carried for years. My father, who I've only seen cry once at my brothers funeral, didn't cry as we conversed but he was very attentive, kind and appeared burdened that I was still affected by my past. He, for the first time ever, said the words I craved to finally hear; 'I'm sorry.' He said this 3 different times and I knew he was sincere. I shared only a few vivid memories I had and didn't feel it was necessary to go into every detail, every memory, and every fear that shaped me into the woman that I am today (along with the partial raising from my mother's side). He knew that after me sharing one vivid memory and a few other various burdens on my heart that this was all that was needed to get my point and pain across. I didn't need to go all the way backwards in time and regurgitate everything. This was all that was needed. From there I asked him some questions on my mind. He pleasantly and surprisingly answered them with sincerity. We shared a few laughs; partially out of nervousness and partially due to feeling uncomfortable, but it was a good little laugh. It was something that broke up the tears. It was then that I asked my dad for permission in sharing my testimony to the church. He asked if I would be posting it on my blog as well to which I answered 'Yes, but I decided not to share graphic details over things I went through or witnessed.' I told him that I was planning on sharing my testimony with the truth as I recalled it; being that my father was a alcoholic and a hot tempered man who acted out in a lot of violence and beatings in our home, BUT GOD, (Which reminded me of Jennifer Lee Dukes recent posting on her blog entitled 'But God'. You should definitely visit her site if you have not already.) forgave my father, forgave myself and has brought restoration to our family. Just because my father and I had this conversation does not mean I am completely healed from my past however it is definitely a beginning. This entire, and rare experience of conversing with the one who inflicted such pain, and the healing which God has paved the way for, I hope will break down some very thick walls I've carried around like a shackle weight around my ankles. As we talked I could already feel chips of the walls around me crumbling to the ground. (Something that reminded me of another story that I read on my friend Billy's blog. Little did he know the perfect timing of this post of his, for me at least anyway.) There is nothing more gratifying than going to the person who hurt you and hearing them tell you 'I'm sorry' (something so simple, yet so hard at the same time) and actually meaning it. My family comes from a mountain of rejections which is something I have always struggled with and have taken very hard. This talk between my father and I has done such repair in me, but again it is just the beginning. I respect my father so much more today than I ever have before.

My past upbringing between my father's alcohol and violent abuse, combined with my mother's psychological mindset, mental instability and freakish paranoia (while raising me under her lesbian lifestyle) formed the perfect formula during my teen and young adult years to become an atheist. For years I felt hatred and mocked God, wondering where He was in the mist of all my isolation and confusion. To me, God did not exist because I did not see Him anywhere. I was angry with Him, even though I didn't believe 'in' Him, my anger was belted out against Him. Since I was was raised by my mom from the age of 10 onward, I shared in all of her liberal influences; pro-choice, pro-ammunition, pro-rights, pro-same sex marriages, 'pro', 'pro', 'pro'.....everything having to do with living how 'self' desired. She taught me to be my 'own god', taking me to palm readers to foresee my future as she tried to find answers to fill the void in her life. She taught me to be my own god; teaching me that nothing or nobody will look out for me more than my own shadow; nobody would have my 'back' but me.

All of these things I will share and store in my 'Personal Testimony' tab which I am currently working on typing up now. I will share how all of this has brought me to surrender myself back to Christ and bare my afflictions and hurts upon Him. I will pull Christ's whereabouts into my story and how He re-entered my life, softly whispering my name in a still small voice and He drew me back to His side. My dear friend Peter offered to help me in finalize my writing so that it turns everything back around to honor and glorify God, knowing that He is the Healer and Restorer of all things. Right now, in the mist of all the rawness I feel over the last couple of weeks, I have put every book down to pick up a book by Joyce Meyer; a book I've carried on my bookshelf but have never completed; 'Beauty For Ashes'. It's a book packed with biblical scripture on emotional healing from the inside out with God being the source who gets us there. Thank you all for your tremendous support and love!