rerun
vb [riːˈrʌn] -runs,
-running, -ran (tr)
1. (Performing Arts) to broadcast or put on (a film,
play, series, etc.) again
2. (General Sporting Terms) to run (a race, etc.)
again
n [ˈriːˌrʌn]
1. (Performing Arts) a film, play, series, etc., that
is broadcast or put on again; repeat
2. (General Sporting Terms) a race that is run
again
3. (Electronics & Computer Science / Computer
Science) Computing the repeat of a part of a computer program
Hence the title of this post; Rerun. What do you do when you find yourself fighting a battle you thought you've already conquered? What do you do when you see you are running the same race you thought you had already won???
It's no mystery to those friends who have followed me in my walk with Jesus that I am quite the stumbler. lol. I, for whatever reason, seem to trip over the same shoes over and over and over, red rover....
So WHAT DOES ONE DO? Well I can't speak for others but for me, I went to His Word, but not immediately. At first it took me a moment to even recognize the repeated offender entered into my camp, yet again. But when I did recognize it I kind of danced around with it, not intentionally, but almost as if to accept it without surprise that I am 'here yet again' in the spot I felt so confident I had pressed through to the other side. But here. I. am. BUT WHY? Why am I back in the same stupid, freakin' spot I had punched from existence. I can only guess that it is because maybe I never conquered it in the first round? IDK (I don't know), but what I do know is that I am tired of the cycle. I am tired of the repitition. I am tired of not winning!!
Wondering what the rerun in my life is? Not that it's all that fascinating or anything and it's certaintly not exciting. But I feel it will do me some good to confess one of the many reruns I encounter. And for me it is a big one. Have you ever heard the phrase 'church hopping'? Yup. Told you it wasn't exciting. BUT I will tell you this, IT HINDERS YOUR WALK WITH CHRIST when you 'church hop'. For those of you who don't quite understand this phrase I will break it down for you as best I can. Church hopping is when the one who is seeking to find a Church to 'bond' with never actually does. It may appear that person does when they attend multiple services, Bible studies, and whatnot, but soon you might notice that person's absence. Later the absences are running closer and closer together and before you know it they have vanished only to be seen attending another Church elsewhere. 'Church hopping' is when an adult choses not to settle down somewhere and just stick with it. This could be for various reasons of course, like not feeling that you are in a like-minded Church, you don't feel like you fit in (this can be in all kinds of ways), you don't like the music style; too rock-n-roll, too traditional, ect., you don't like the version of the Bible the Church is using, you feel like you are not challenged enough Spiritually (too much baby food), or the opposite; everything being discussed in Sermons or otherwise is way over your head but you're afraid to seek help with any of it, ect, ect, ect....
In my single life I church hopped fairly often but not necessarily on purpose. I felt my reasons were good, solid ones. One Church that I very much loved; it was BOLD, DIRECT, encouraging, loving, but I felt like an outsider. I was struggling with my own demons of lonliness and belonging, or rather not belonging. It was ME, not the Church, as I find most 'church hopping' reasons usually are.
So here I am again, feeling the sting beneath me to run, but I can plainly, clearly SEE this cycle more than I ever have before and I can plainly and clearly SEE that it is ME. I absolutely LOVE the Church I attend right now. It is not the prettiest Church I have been too. It is not the biggest Church I've attended. It is not the fanciest, or richest Church I've been part of. It is not the best, most organized Church I have belonged to. It is certaintly not the largest Church as far as attendees and members are concerned either. In fact in my last two years of time spent at this Church I have witnessed many vanishing acts. I have watched, without judgement, people come and go, some coming back and others to never return (at least not yet), and I am grateful that the Lord unveiled my eyes to taking note of this pattern because it is the same pattern I see in me. Which is why I never judged those people I watched do this act. The Church I attend may not be 'all that' but I will tell you what I do see in my Church. I see REALNESS! (Is that even a word?- lol) I see people hurting! I see people searching, a whole lot of searching! I see people broken, both Spiritually and emotionally. I look in my mirror and see ME in all of them. The Church I am part of is beyond any big, fancy, rich, over populated Church I have attended. I feel like I see them in the 'raw'. I don't feel judged, though I don't doubt I have been a time or three, but I don't 'feel' it. I don't feel like anybody acts better than me, even if I happen to wear the same black outfit I've repeated many times to Church. You can not see me as I type this but I am tearing up as I share. Mainly because I adore my Church to a point that I have NEVER done with any other building or organization striving to teach from the Holy Bible. I WANT to go to a Church where people are hurting, where people come for divine healing. I want to go to a Church where healthy or unhealthy people can come to get Spiritual exercise. I love that my Church does not appear to have it all together, I LOVE THAT. Because it tells, rather shows me that even though they may or may not see cracks in the walls, or paint peeling off, or repairs from Hurricane Ike still needing repairs, the focus for them (at least how I see it) is that they are STRIVING towards Christ. My Church is not perfect, but we DESIRE to draw closer to Jesus Christ and I believe whole heartedly that He meets us at this point!! Whole heartedly!! I know, that I know, that I KNOW, I am supposed to stay planted at Bayshore. I have gone around the mountain (repeated and stayed in the same run to many times) and it's time I stop. I heard my husband say something profound recently that his mother taught him. 'If you do not like something about the Church you are attending, if you find yourself complaining about something in the Church you frequent, if you count faults in your Church then help to CHANGE it!'. That spoke volumes to me!
"You have been wandering around in this hill country long enough..." Deuteronomy 2:3, which is the Scripture the Lord has place in me when He had revealed to me my pattern of 'church hopping'. And 'Peace! Be Still!' Mark 4:39-40. The Lord WANTS to grow me. I am not an infant Christian (meaning that I am not new to His words). How in the world can I grow in Him if every time I am challenged I sprint off? He will bring me back to the same mountain (in my case anyhow) until I conquer those insecurities, those failures, those weaknesses, ect. He loves me TOO MUCH not to.
Anyhoot, I want to challenge you. If you find that you can relate to myself in this area of me that I have shared, then will you join me in fighting the fight to leave where the Lord has planted you? I promise you it will be worth your while and then some.
Anyway, I'd like to close with this; I am not perfect. I have SO many stumbling blocks in front of me that I simply get overwhelmed sometimes and just want to throw my hands up in the air saying 'I'm done!', but I can't, I won't do that. I am so far from even being 'okay' that I can't even see the shadow of a finish line, but I ask myself (and you maybe?) what are my options, quiting or pushing through, willing to be taught and learn from those God has placed around me or rebel and run, defeating the bondage OR repeating it???? I honestly can't even say I'll conquer this but I vow to work at it, pursuring after Him. Defeat or repeat? That's something only you can answer but I know for myself that I desire to defeat it, to draw closer to Christ. I am a student of the Lord's, still learning. Aren't we all? To rise up in my walk I must FINISH the task He has put before me. That is IF I desire to draw closer to Jesus Christ....do you?
